“Marie, you’re going to go to Uni soon and even if we were together then I know we wouldn’t survive that as a couple, It’s not fair on me and ...ven more unfair on you. You should enjoy all aspects of Uni, social as well as living alone and things like that. Marie, I couldn’t stand that, so it’s better we don’t start anything at all. You would only end up breaking my heart. You know what I’m saying is true.”I just sat there, T-shirt pushed up, boobs exposed, and eventually agreed with him. It was. Alice called the local security company, and two hours later there was an armed guard dressed like a Ninja warrior and armed with a semi-automatic weapon slung across his back and a handgun on his hip, guarding the end of our driveway. A large sign warned of guard dogs trained to attack anyone roaming the property. For a week there was a very mean looking German shepherd tethered to the bumper of the guard’s car; anytime anyone came near he became slightly unhappy.The house had no more. “OK, let’s head to a club then.”“Now?”“You got any other plans?”“Let’s go.”It was a Wednesday night. The pub was about half full. Denise and I ordered drinks and chatted. She was a wonderful lady. After about an hour she leaned in to me and almost whispered, “Don’t turn around, but there’s a lovely blonde woman behind you. She looks interested in you.”“You’re shitting me, Denise.”She giggled. “Nope, I’m serious, Eddie. She keeps giving me jealous looks.”“Is she alone?”“No, she’s out with a. ”“The other end of the spectrum?”“Oh,” Fleur whispered conspiratorially, “Being sexually active with nature; masturbated by waterfalls, fucking trees, or rolling in grass clippings and vegetable peelings having a compostgasm.”“My boss joked about tree rooters.”“Ecosexuality can be the butt of jokes. I have a sense of humour, but that one I have heard a thousand times.”There had been no sign of Fleur’s sense of humour in what was tracking as my weirdest ever interview. But, reminding myself not.
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