.. everything. But I tend to get manic when I get excited and I didn't want John to regret us getting together as I don't think 'manic' is a positive ...hing for him. So I reminded myself that this was a marathon not a sprint, unlike all my previous relationships. I needed to let him lead, to get comfortable with it and not drag him where I hoped we'd go.Trying to think about things from his perspective was good practice, and as I lay there listening to him clean up, I thought about what he'd see. Coming to point one day i had half day n she was having holiday still she had come to meet me so we was planning to go to movie so we came at my house to keep my bag so no one was at home n note was kept that mom n pop will come at late night so i went o take water for her as soon as i went in she came behind me n hugged me n said that she loves me a lot i was not shock still i turned back she started kissing on my lips n it was very long french kiss i loved it i got courage n i started. And again he went wild. The amount of soapy liquid hadreached the point where he was forced to start swallowing it, making himfeel even worse. Finally, she pulled the bar of soap out and put itback on the counter. Then she got up and left him there. Chad didn'tknow what to do. He needed desperately to rinse the soap out of hismouth, but he was tied up and helpless. All he could do was to kneelthere on the floor where she had left him. In his helpless, miserablestate, he wet his diapers. I was way out of my normally controlled comfort zone and couldn't think straight. This was so foreign and yet I couldn't stop it and truth be told, I didn't want to stop it. This wasn't me. It was as if I was a different person...a completely different person with a different personality, emotions and identity. Would this end? Would I suddenly feel normal again and feel like myself? Oh please no don't let it end. As unsettled as I was feeling, I didn't want it to end. Something had changed.
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