Matt thought learning that his parents were both dead was awful, but he found out that the funeral proceedings, if anything, were even more horrible. ...irst there were the meetings with the funeral director, and deciding what he wanted for funeral arrangements. It hammered home to him the fact that he’d never see his parents again. Then came the wake, which involved hours of sitting in the funeral home while people filed through the room past the two closed caskets in which his parents’ bodies. The fact that Ken was still kept in extremely short pants did not helphis predicament, of course, and especially as some of the legs exposed alarge portion of his generous bottom cheeks. Some of the very shortshorts buttoned down the back and one pair had 22 small buttons makingthe boy unable to do them up or down himself.Having his Father undo these shorts some afternoons before a spankingwas a slow process but it allowed for Mr. Hammond's long scolding andprep talk for what was about to. By now, she thought he might know something about what he was doing and was probably still a little nervous about it, so she just plopped down in the back of the boat, smiled, and said, "You've seen it, you've seen us run it, now do it."And he did it -- again it wasn't the greatest run she'd ever seen there, but it was far from the worst. In only a couple of minutes, Randy was pulling for the cluster of rafts on the shore below the rapids. "Don't get too damn cocky," Scooter grinned, "Crystal. The idea that there was something guiding him through his life was as silly as it was depressing. Obviously if there was a guiding force it absolutely hated him and enjoyed doing whatever it could to torment him and watch him suffer. It certainly wasn’t a benevolent old man resting on a cloud trying to make good things happen. That idea was absurd. Then the world changed and he was a believer. Tiffany was an all out assault on the senses that could best be described with the military term shock.
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