“What is going on? What were you doing? You know what? I don’t want to know!” Jay hastily retreated from upstairs and was ready to leave.My mom ...ame following down while tying up her robe.“You should really have knocked, Dad!” my mom said.“It isn’t seeing you naked that is a shock. I’ve seen you naked since you were a baby. I changed your diaper when you were little,” Grandpa said but then added, “Well, your mom did, but I paid for the diapers!”“It isn’t what you think,” Mom tried to explain. The last time I saw him before the Halloween party was again at a boardmeeting, and while he was dressed like a guy -- though he now had aperfect bubble butt that was displayed well in tailored slacks over whatmust have been a thong -- I saw him in my mind's eye with those perfectbreasts. I started drooling again, and got instantly hard. I wasstroking myself under the table, and actually came at the thought ofburying my head between those breasts. And for the first time I imaginedhim naked. I. I felt myself pee into the wet sand around my waist as my lungs filled with nothing.I hadn’t had a nightmare in months. Not like this. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. Baa-dum baa-dum baa-dum baa-dum. It was still terrifying. I still panicked. But this time I recognized it for what it was—not a nightmare but a living memory surfacing because something in my life triggered the response. I knew how it turned out. That hand clasped in mine would lead the rescuers to me. I. "Being a rock star has certain advantages. I wore my hair long at thetime when men wore theirs in crew cuts. I wore close-fitting pants,colorful silk shirts, and sequin-spangled jackets which no ?real man'would be caught dead in. I plucked my eyebrows and lengthened myeyelashes. I danced with the gyrating motions of a teenage girl. But itwas all a sham, and the emptiness in my soul only grew greater. I want tobe the woman I am inside, not just have some of the mannerisms of one. Iwant to be one.
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