Neither of us spoke for a minute. then Jill said, "I didn't mean to put a damper on the party. Let's have some fun.I suggested that we move into the f...mily room and get more comfortable and I grabbed the wine and headed in to the other room. Mary and Jill followed. About two hours and another bottle of wine later we were all talking very comfortably. Mary was having a good time at my expense telling Jill stories about things I had done over the years. I don't know how we got on this subject but. I was using my anger to mask the thought that I was imperfect now, handicapped, unable to do my job, unable to be the whole person I expected myself to be. By then I’d learned not to argue with his opinions. He’d hit home too often for me to second guess his statements. Now I was really upset. He’d stripped away all the things I was using to protect myself and excuse myself for my behavior. I had no idea what to do next. At that point, he offered an opinion.“He said I needed to find something. She sometimes delighted in seeing people bend to her will, seeing them flush with anger or embarrassment when her venomous tongue hit the mark. She was a bitch, through and through, and I’d fallen into the ultimate vanity, thinking I could tame her.“Brad,” she said, her face somber and direct. “I don’t know quite how to say this ... I...” she trailed off, I suppose looking for the right words. I sat silently, not offering any help or brooking any bullshit.“Last year,” she started, “the company. It could be, now. It would be, I convinced my dream self. And even when the beach came back I saved myself by singing, so loud and so beautifully that the companions I'd been hoping to summon with my fire heard and came for me.Well, none of it was real yet, I reminded myself firmly when I finally woke for good at 7:00 in the morning. But it would be soon, I thought eagerly. Tonight would be the beginning of my new life. Mostly the comprimari of this world need to keep it subdued even if.
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